Rise
by eviscerate
Summary: what happened after the "fade-to-black". heine/naoto. oneshot. revised version.


for those of you who've read my fics before, this is my new account, moved from **systematic honey**. please do not accuse me of stealing, etc. i just felt like a fresh start was necessary.

this is the revised version of **Rise**. i have been unsatisfied with the ending as soon as i finished writing it, feeling it was too rushed and clichéd, and kept meaning to change it. nearly 5 months later, i finally went and did. i hope you'll find it better than the last one.

* * *

rise.  
heine/naoto.  
safe +  
word count 1400+

* * *

It was cold.

That was the first thing Naoto noticed as soon as she started to drift back into the waking world. Still half-asleep, her vision blurred, she slowly rose up from the bed and was met with a frigid draft as the sheets fell from her body.

Her _naked_ body.

That was the second thing she noticed.

As if hit by an electric shock, Naoto suddenly remembered _why_ she was naked and _why_ this room felt so unwelcome. In an instant, the previous evening's events flashed by her, pulling her back from sleep into cold and uncomfortable reality.

Her brow furrowed deeply at the recollection. She felt as if hot coals were being pressed to her face as she frantically searched for her clothes in the dark bedroom. The only item of hers in the vicinity was her underwear and, close to tears, she hastily pulled it on. She grabbed a large black t-shirt from the floor and pulled it over her head, still wondering where her other garments were.

Needing a moment to compose herself, Naoto took a seat on the edge of the small bed. She wrapped her arms around her chest, shivering in the empty room. She glanced over at the window to her left, and judging from the small amount of light seeping through the blinds, guessed that it must have been very early in the morning. For a long while, she just stared blankly at the floor, unsure of what to do next. She had no idea what would happen to her if she moved, if she tried to go forward. _How_ could she go forward? What actions could she possibly take to deal with this? Naoto had never faced such a confusing and unfamiliar situation.

Eventually, her body moved on its own. She stood up and slowly walked out of the room, into the small dark hallway. There was a dim light on at the end of the passage, and she made her way towards it, dreading what would happen when she reached the end. She made her way into what looked like a small living space, with a couch up against the wall across from her and a coffee table with a plain mug resting on top of it.

To her left, was... Heine. His back was to her, and he seemed to be staring out the window in front of him, a few paces away from where she was standing.

Naoto didn't know if he had noticed her come in, but she remained silent nevertheless. She could not think of anything to say, so she stayed in place and simply observed him. He had put on some pants and a different shirt than the one she had seen him in last ( the one _she_ was wearing at the moment ). The metal plate on the back of his neck was partially visible over the collar of his shirt, a sign that he hadn't replaced the bandages she had torn off the night before. His reflection was faintly visible in the dark window, and Naoto could see that he was in deep thought, scowling at the city below. She wondered if he felt as unsure as she did right now.

"Heine..." she spoke quietly, not really addressing him, but not just saying his name for nothing. Her reason for speaking was just as divided as her emotions.

He turned around to face her, and catching a glimpse of her attire, quickly averted his eyes to avoid her gaze. Used to this, Naoto continued to look at him straight on despite his unpleasant frown.

The silence between them was ringing in her ears now. Heine eventually returned her stare, and Naoto was suddenly reminded of their first meeting, the staring contest that started it all. She hadn't thought of him much then, only interested in the information he had. She soon came to realize, however, that he did not act like any informant she had dealt with before. The closer she came to him, the farther he moved away. Since that day, that was the way it had been... but something had been constantly pushing her forward, urging her to keep moving towards him until he couldn't move back any more.

And that's what had happened last night.

He'd called her stubborn before. It was true.  
She just didn't expect it to result in _this_.

Tentatively, she took a few steps toward him, but came to a halt as he instinctively took a step back. Feeling that familiar sense of disappointment, she directed her gaze to the floor, where she realized the rest of her clothes had been left. She felt her cheeks burn at the sight of her bra, lying discarded near the coffee table.

"Heine," she began, this time with purpose in her voice, "what are we going to do now?"

He said nothing.

"I've been thinking about this... about what we did," she continued, "and I have no idea how to handle it. I... I just don't know."

She wasn't really expecting him to answer her question. She just felt like it had to be said. She didn't know what to do, and all she really wanted to know is if he felt the same way.

All of the options she could think of didn't make any sense. Forgetting about it was out of the question; it was impossible. Never mentioning it was reasonable, but never acting on it again? That didn't seem possible, either. As much as she didn't want to admit it, there was a part of her that still wanted to be close to him.

Without a reply, Naoto simply continued to stare at him. She studied his features for a while, remaining silent and keeping her distance. Her eyes rested on his "collar" for a moment, and the scars that surrounded it. She felt the sudden urge to touch it again, while memories of him growling and shivering at her fingers' light touch flashed past her. But as quickly as the urge came, it passed. She didn't dare lay a finger on him without warning. Not now.

"I'll be leaving, then…" she finally announced after the long silence. Turning, she began to make her way towards the bedroom, picking up her various scattered belongings as she went.  
It took a few minutes for her to find everything. As Naoto quickly got dressed, she felt the memories of the night before start to fade into the back of her mind. It was difficult enough to recall every event now, and she got the feeling that it would be completely gone in a few hours, like how you start to forget a vivid dream once you wake up.

The only problem with that was... like with a dream, even though she couldn't remember the details, there was no way she could forget the experience. The feelings. The emotions.

She inhaled deeply, gathering all of her doubt, her worries, and her cowardice. She exhaled, releasing all of them into the air, away from her thoughts, hopefully forever. Finally, she made her way to the front door.

He didn't make a sound the whole time, no indication that he would try to stop her. As she placed her hand on the handle, she tentatively turned to look at him one last time.

She met his cold red eyes again, and felt a chill. He was simply staring at her, brow furrowed, in the same spot she had found him in. For a moment, she felt like she should say something - but what? Nothing came. Not from either side.

Fed up with everything, she sent a vicious glare at him and turned resolutely to open the door. She stepped into the hallway and closed it shut.

She didn't know how long she stood in front of that worn old apartment door. She did nothing but stand there, blank-faced and still, for what seemed like ages.

The decision had been made, she told herself. She was already forgetting it. She would have to forget it. All of it.

They would never speak of it. It would be a constant burden on their shoulders, something to live with for the rest of their lives. Always hanging in the air above them, always stabbing at their insides in anger, in regret. That was the grave they dug for themselves, the senseless denial they had both settled for.

They could not set themselves free now. They had locked those emotions in a cage, and thrown away the key.

Those feelings would never rise on their horizon. Not anymore.


End file.
